18/12/2019
The general election is settled and the period known as purdah is over. This means that broadcasting stations in the UK can once again start talking more freely about politics. We hope to bring you a detailed discussion on the results of the election in the New Year, but until then, we must discuss the battle royale which took place during the election, between a Buckethead and Binface. Now, one of the most adorable parts of Britain's arcane system of elections are the less usual candidates that pop up. Who can forget the pivotal Christchurch by election of July 1993, when solemn news cameras panned along the assembled hopeful candidates, including a lady in silver latex, a man calling for the sacking of the England football manager, and a sixteen foot high rubber chicken. Or Miss Moneypenny, a very large and very tall drag artiste whose flashing breasts dominated the election at Tatton in 1997. Lord David Sutch once fielded himself in nearly every constituency, his place taken by lookalikes at every count. Sutch always pointed out that when he first stood as the National Teenage Candidate in 1961, he campaigned for abolition of the hated eleven plus exam, legalisation of commercial radio stations and votes for eighteen years olds. All his policies would be law by the mid seventies. Which brings us to the 2019 election. Contesting Boris Johnson's Uxbridge and South Ruislip seat was Lord Buckethead, who first stood against Mrs Thatcher in 1987. Buckethead had first represented the Gremloid Party and claimed to come from the planet Grem in the constellation Gremmos. However, not all was well. Buckethead's current incarnation allied himself with the Official Monster Raving Loony Party which since the death of Screaming Lord Sutch, has been led by Howling Alan Hope, who made a homophobic remark to the old Pink Paper newspaper. Thus and for other reasons, Count Binface stood against Buckethead, and of course, Mr Johnson at the General Election. An intergalactic warrior, the count was pleased to tell LGBTQ newswire Pink News that in outerspace, gay rights are respected. On his platform were pledges to nationalise the singer Adele, making Piers Morgan a carbon neutral emission free motormouth by 2030, and bringing back Ceefax, the teletext service. The Count polled a suggestive sixty nine votes and promises to be back to contest elections in the future.
